Reuben had sex with his step-mother because he was lashing out against his dad. It was not a relationship of desire, but of anger... it was like rape. It was an act of anger against his father for preferring Joseph over him, for preferring Joseph's family over his. He had sex with the closest person to Joseph's family because of hate. When his dad discovered Reuben's act of terror, Reuben entered into a life of regret, looking for any opportunity to make it up to his dad.
His first opportunity came when the brothers planned the killing of Joseph. Reuben had hoped to rescue Joseph and bring him safely back to his father, however, his plan was foiled when the brothers sold Joseph into slavery. Rather than becoming the hero, Reuben lost his opportunity and got himself into a deeper snare than ever with his father.
Reuben's last chance came as he led his brothers to Egypt in order to get food for the family. They had already been once to Egypt - the experience was terrifying - the ruler of the country played nasty mind games with them, and one of their brothers was imprisoned unjustly by the same ruler. In order for them to go back to Egypt; in order for them to get food to survive, they had to go back to that same ruler with one stipulation - they had to bring Benjamin.
Benjamin replaced Joseph as Dad's favorite son. He was not allowed to go with the brothers to Egypt in the past because their father so feared that something would happen to him. Dad had already lost Joseph to a wild animal (so he thought) and would not allow the only remaining member of the family he loved the most to leave him and go on a dangerous journey. But if he did not go to Egypt and face the cruel man who had the food, the entire family would die of starvation.
As the leader of the brothers Reuben made a pitiful argument for going, "Kill my sons if we do not bring Benjamin back alive!"
It was his last act of leadership. His father flat out refused him. With that final attempt to talk to his father, Reuben was broken beyond repair. His younger brother Judah took over as the leader of the brothers, convincing their father that he must let go of Benjamin. It was also Judah who would convince the cruel leader to reveal his real identity - Joseph.
But that's another story.
Reuben's life relationship with his father came to a sad end. On his father Jacob's deathbed, Jacob gave blessings to his sons. He began with Reuben because he was his oldest, but there was no blessing for Joseph, only a tragic reminder of the one event Reuben tried so hard to put behind him, "But you are as unruly as the waves of the sea, and you will be first no longer. For you slept with one of my wives; you dishonored me in my own bed."
And that is the end of the story for Reuben and his father.
No lesson. Tragic ending.
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