Did Reuben Regret Having Sex with His Step Mother?

The highest value in Genesis is a father's / husbands attention or blessing.

Put yourself in Reuben's shoes for a minute.
1- Your dad betrayed you.
2- You get angry and get even by shaming him, hoping to keep it secret.
3- Dad finds out and although you know you hurt him deeply, he says nothing - he will never forget and you know it.
4- Dad use to be the wrongdoer, now you are.
Here's another way of putting it:
1- Every boy in the family has 5 dad points just for being his son.
2- You and 9 of your brothers think you have 10 dad points because you are the oldest.
3- In one day you discover that youngest brother has 10 dad points and you have only 5 dad points.
4- You act out of impulse and out of anger and get caught.
6- You now have 1 dad point.
7- For the rest of your life you will seek to gain back any dad points.

Does this play out in Reuben's behavior? Absolutely.
Joseph was the younger brother that was any family's nightmare. Against all that was fair, he got the best of dad's attention and he flaunted it. He was dad's favorite and he bragged about his coat dad gave him, told everybody how his dreams put him above every body else, and if any body did anything wrong, he told dad about it. Everybody in the family hated him. In fact, they hated him so much they wanted to kill him.

The opportunity came when Joseph visited his brothers miles away from home. The brothers decided to kill him then and there, but Reuben (as the leader of the brothers) decided it would be better to put him in a pit and let nature kill him and thus they would not be guilty of murder. The brothers agreed. In reality Reuben was planning on coming back later and rescuing Joseph so that he could bring him back to his father. In his mind he would be the hero who saved dad's most precious possession. Dad would forgive him for sleeping with step mom, and give him back some dad points.

However, the brothers sell Joseph into slavery when Reuben was not around. When he learned that his plan was foiled his response is very telling, "the boy is gone, what can I do now?" Not only did he lose his opportunity to gain back some dad points, he stood to lose any dad point left because as the oldest brother to some degree he was the responsible for the brother's well being.

There are some things in life you cannot take back no matter how hard you try. Reuben should have dealt with his father's betrayal in better ways. After having sex with his step mother and after hurting his dad, he would have given anything to get back what he had and live with 5 dad points.

Lesson - Lashing out in anger and frustration can make things worse for you - even to the point that you will wish you could return to where you are now. You say that you don't care? You will. Learn to deal with an unfair situation without doing something you regret the rest of your life. If you are angry or frustrated, think of the long term consequences of your actions.

Some examples of lashing out:
-hitting somebody
-having an affair
-quitting work
-getting involved in road rage
-leaving home
-getting drunk
-getting high
-stealing
-smashing a wall

Be angry, but...
-don't sin
-don't feed it, and nurse it and let it hang around forever
-don't let the devil step in and take it to new levels
(Based on Ephesians 4:26-27)

It's o.k. to be angry. You will face betrayals and some unfair things in life. It's o.k. to be angry. Just be careful with what you do with that anger.