Reuben had sex with his step-mother because he was lashing out against his dad. It was not a relationship of desire, but of anger... it was like rape. It was an act of anger against his father for preferring Joseph over him, for preferring Joseph's family over his. He had sex with the closest person to Joseph's family because of hate. When his dad discovered Reuben's act of terror, Reuben entered into a life of regret, looking for any opportunity to make it up to his dad.
His first opportunity came when the brothers planned the killing of Joseph. Reuben had hoped to rescue Joseph and bring him safely back to his father, however, his plan was foiled when the brothers sold Joseph into slavery. Rather than becoming the hero, Reuben lost his opportunity and got himself into a deeper snare than ever with his father.
Reuben's last chance came as he led his brothers to Egypt in order to get food for the family. They had already been once to Egypt - the experience was terrifying - the ruler of the country played nasty mind games with them, and one of their brothers was imprisoned unjustly by the same ruler. In order for them to go back to Egypt; in order for them to get food to survive, they had to go back to that same ruler with one stipulation - they had to bring Benjamin.
Benjamin replaced Joseph as Dad's favorite son. He was not allowed to go with the brothers to Egypt in the past because their father so feared that something would happen to him. Dad had already lost Joseph to a wild animal (so he thought) and would not allow the only remaining member of the family he loved the most to leave him and go on a dangerous journey. But if he did not go to Egypt and face the cruel man who had the food, the entire family would die of starvation.
As the leader of the brothers Reuben made a pitiful argument for going, "Kill my sons if we do not bring Benjamin back alive!"
It was his last act of leadership. His father flat out refused him. With that final attempt to talk to his father, Reuben was broken beyond repair. His younger brother Judah took over as the leader of the brothers, convincing their father that he must let go of Benjamin. It was also Judah who would convince the cruel leader to reveal his real identity - Joseph.
But that's another story.
Reuben's life relationship with his father came to a sad end. On his father Jacob's deathbed, Jacob gave blessings to his sons. He began with Reuben because he was his oldest, but there was no blessing for Joseph, only a tragic reminder of the one event Reuben tried so hard to put behind him, "But you are as unruly as the waves of the sea, and you will be first no longer. For you slept with one of my wives; you dishonored me in my own bed."
And that is the end of the story for Reuben and his father.
No lesson. Tragic ending.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Did Reuben Regret Having Sex with His Step Mother?
The highest value in Genesis is a father's / husbands attention or blessing.
Put yourself in Reuben's shoes for a minute.
1- Your dad betrayed you.
2- You get angry and get even by shaming him, hoping to keep it secret.
3- Dad finds out and although you know you hurt him deeply, he says nothing - he will never forget and you know it.
4- Dad use to be the wrongdoer, now you are.
Here's another way of putting it:
1- Every boy in the family has 5 dad points just for being his son.
2- You and 9 of your brothers think you have 10 dad points because you are the oldest.
3- In one day you discover that youngest brother has 10 dad points and you have only 5 dad points.
4- You act out of impulse and out of anger and get caught.
6- You now have 1 dad point.
7- For the rest of your life you will seek to gain back any dad points.
Does this play out in Reuben's behavior? Absolutely.
Joseph was the younger brother that was any family's nightmare. Against all that was fair, he got the best of dad's attention and he flaunted it. He was dad's favorite and he bragged about his coat dad gave him, told everybody how his dreams put him above every body else, and if any body did anything wrong, he told dad about it. Everybody in the family hated him. In fact, they hated him so much they wanted to kill him.
The opportunity came when Joseph visited his brothers miles away from home. The brothers decided to kill him then and there, but Reuben (as the leader of the brothers) decided it would be better to put him in a pit and let nature kill him and thus they would not be guilty of murder. The brothers agreed. In reality Reuben was planning on coming back later and rescuing Joseph so that he could bring him back to his father. In his mind he would be the hero who saved dad's most precious possession. Dad would forgive him for sleeping with step mom, and give him back some dad points.
However, the brothers sell Joseph into slavery when Reuben was not around. When he learned that his plan was foiled his response is very telling, "the boy is gone, what can I do now?" Not only did he lose his opportunity to gain back some dad points, he stood to lose any dad point left because as the oldest brother to some degree he was the responsible for the brother's well being.
There are some things in life you cannot take back no matter how hard you try. Reuben should have dealt with his father's betrayal in better ways. After having sex with his step mother and after hurting his dad, he would have given anything to get back what he had and live with 5 dad points.
Lesson - Lashing out in anger and frustration can make things worse for you - even to the point that you will wish you could return to where you are now. You say that you don't care? You will. Learn to deal with an unfair situation without doing something you regret the rest of your life. If you are angry or frustrated, think of the long term consequences of your actions.
Some examples of lashing out:
-hitting somebody
-having an affair
-quitting work
-getting involved in road rage
-leaving home
-getting drunk
-getting high
-stealing
-smashing a wall
Be angry, but...
-don't sin
-don't feed it, and nurse it and let it hang around forever
-don't let the devil step in and take it to new levels
(Based on Ephesians 4:26-27)
It's o.k. to be angry. You will face betrayals and some unfair things in life. It's o.k. to be angry. Just be careful with what you do with that anger.
Put yourself in Reuben's shoes for a minute.
1- Your dad betrayed you.
2- You get angry and get even by shaming him, hoping to keep it secret.
3- Dad finds out and although you know you hurt him deeply, he says nothing - he will never forget and you know it.
4- Dad use to be the wrongdoer, now you are.
Here's another way of putting it:
1- Every boy in the family has 5 dad points just for being his son.
2- You and 9 of your brothers think you have 10 dad points because you are the oldest.
3- In one day you discover that youngest brother has 10 dad points and you have only 5 dad points.
4- You act out of impulse and out of anger and get caught.
6- You now have 1 dad point.
7- For the rest of your life you will seek to gain back any dad points.
Does this play out in Reuben's behavior? Absolutely.
Joseph was the younger brother that was any family's nightmare. Against all that was fair, he got the best of dad's attention and he flaunted it. He was dad's favorite and he bragged about his coat dad gave him, told everybody how his dreams put him above every body else, and if any body did anything wrong, he told dad about it. Everybody in the family hated him. In fact, they hated him so much they wanted to kill him.
The opportunity came when Joseph visited his brothers miles away from home. The brothers decided to kill him then and there, but Reuben (as the leader of the brothers) decided it would be better to put him in a pit and let nature kill him and thus they would not be guilty of murder. The brothers agreed. In reality Reuben was planning on coming back later and rescuing Joseph so that he could bring him back to his father. In his mind he would be the hero who saved dad's most precious possession. Dad would forgive him for sleeping with step mom, and give him back some dad points.
However, the brothers sell Joseph into slavery when Reuben was not around. When he learned that his plan was foiled his response is very telling, "the boy is gone, what can I do now?" Not only did he lose his opportunity to gain back some dad points, he stood to lose any dad point left because as the oldest brother to some degree he was the responsible for the brother's well being.
There are some things in life you cannot take back no matter how hard you try. Reuben should have dealt with his father's betrayal in better ways. After having sex with his step mother and after hurting his dad, he would have given anything to get back what he had and live with 5 dad points.
Lesson - Lashing out in anger and frustration can make things worse for you - even to the point that you will wish you could return to where you are now. You say that you don't care? You will. Learn to deal with an unfair situation without doing something you regret the rest of your life. If you are angry or frustrated, think of the long term consequences of your actions.
Some examples of lashing out:
-hitting somebody
-having an affair
-quitting work
-getting involved in road rage
-leaving home
-getting drunk
-getting high
-stealing
-smashing a wall
Be angry, but...
-don't sin
-don't feed it, and nurse it and let it hang around forever
-don't let the devil step in and take it to new levels
(Based on Ephesians 4:26-27)
It's o.k. to be angry. You will face betrayals and some unfair things in life. It's o.k. to be angry. Just be careful with what you do with that anger.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Why Did Reuben Have Sex with His Step-Mother?
In Genesis 35:22, Reuben had intercourse with his father's concubine Bilhah (Rachel's slave that gave birth to two of Jacob's sons). Jacob heard about it, but remained silent about the affair. The text passes over the event like it was a minor offense, but at Jacob's deathbed, the event was brought up with a vengeance. Even though Jacob said nothing during all his years, his deathbed words, and the behavior of Reuben after the affair, suggest that Jacob held on to a deep anger that was never reconciled or brought up until he was ready to die. Even at his death bed, Jacob did not forgive his son for what he did.
As mentioned, the text only briefly mentions the affair as if it were a minor infraction. However, for Reuben it was not minor.
THE AFFAIR
I believe that Reuben had no sexual drive he was satisfying with his step-mother. I believe he acted in a moment of vengeance and anger attacking his own father.
Let me clarify. When King David ran from his own son Absalom, Absalom took 10 of David's concubines (live in girlfriends) and had sex with all of them publicly so that all of Israel could see that he was dishonoring his father David. It was not an act of lust, but an act of sedition and dominance. It was an act designed to disgrace David and thus let all Israel know that Absalom had no intent on ever renewing relationship with his father. Reuben's act was very similar to this.
In their era, raping, murder, and pillaging were aggressive acts of war that sometimes spilled out into normal life. Reuben's sex with his step mom was an aggressive act of dominance over his father.
Reuben was Jacob's first born of 12 sons and at least one daughter from 2 wives and 2 concubines. As the oldest he was the leader of the siblings, the expected heir of most of dad's wealth, the one who would get a special blessing from the father, and the boy who according to culture should get most of dad's attention, love and respect. Politically speaking, he was to be the head of the clan when his father died.
Shortly before the sexual escapade, Reuben's father Jacob (the father of the 12 sons) faced a life and death situation. Fearing that he would lose all, Jacob divided up the families according to importance. The servants and slaves were placed in the front of the line in case there was a battle and people were to be killed. The concubines and their families were next. But when it came time for the 2 wives and their families to be lined up, Reuben discovered for the first time that he was not his father's favorite. His mother and her sons were placed next before Aunt Rachel and her son, Joseph, who was the youngest of all the children. The fact that Rachel and her children were last, showed everybody that the youngest child Joseph and his mother Rachel were his dad's favorites.
Because Joseph was the youngest (this was before his younger brother Benjamin was born), the brothers expected to see Joseph and his mom to be the least in importance. But to see Joseph and his mom set apart as the most important was an insult to all the brothers - most of all to Reuben.
Fortunately, the entire family passed through the life and death situation without violence. But unfortunately for Reuben, the damage was done. Rachel (Joseph's mother and Jacob's favorite wife) died after giving birth to the 12th son Benjamin; and Reuben who was still angry about his dad's choice of favorites, went into Rachel's servant's (his dad's concubine and mother of some of his half-brothers) tent and had sex with her. Like a warrior, Reuben felt like he was getting vengeance by acting on an impulse and lashing out in anger because he believed he was betrayed.
Vengeance seems to work in the movies, but in real life it turns the tables in unexpected ways. Rather than remaining the victim, Reuben had to live the rest of his life with regret, knowing that he hurt and insulted his father deeply. He would live with that regret, compounded with the fact that his father would not talk about it, or deal with it. He would live his entire life with regret, trying with every opportunity to get back some of his father's respect; only to lose over and over again... but then that's another story.
There is a great moral in all this. If you get angry, don't let impulse direct you...you may regret it the rest of your life.
As mentioned, the text only briefly mentions the affair as if it were a minor infraction. However, for Reuben it was not minor.
THE AFFAIR
I believe that Reuben had no sexual drive he was satisfying with his step-mother. I believe he acted in a moment of vengeance and anger attacking his own father.
Let me clarify. When King David ran from his own son Absalom, Absalom took 10 of David's concubines (live in girlfriends) and had sex with all of them publicly so that all of Israel could see that he was dishonoring his father David. It was not an act of lust, but an act of sedition and dominance. It was an act designed to disgrace David and thus let all Israel know that Absalom had no intent on ever renewing relationship with his father. Reuben's act was very similar to this.
In their era, raping, murder, and pillaging were aggressive acts of war that sometimes spilled out into normal life. Reuben's sex with his step mom was an aggressive act of dominance over his father.
Reuben was Jacob's first born of 12 sons and at least one daughter from 2 wives and 2 concubines. As the oldest he was the leader of the siblings, the expected heir of most of dad's wealth, the one who would get a special blessing from the father, and the boy who according to culture should get most of dad's attention, love and respect. Politically speaking, he was to be the head of the clan when his father died.
Shortly before the sexual escapade, Reuben's father Jacob (the father of the 12 sons) faced a life and death situation. Fearing that he would lose all, Jacob divided up the families according to importance. The servants and slaves were placed in the front of the line in case there was a battle and people were to be killed. The concubines and their families were next. But when it came time for the 2 wives and their families to be lined up, Reuben discovered for the first time that he was not his father's favorite. His mother and her sons were placed next before Aunt Rachel and her son, Joseph, who was the youngest of all the children. The fact that Rachel and her children were last, showed everybody that the youngest child Joseph and his mother Rachel were his dad's favorites.
Because Joseph was the youngest (this was before his younger brother Benjamin was born), the brothers expected to see Joseph and his mom to be the least in importance. But to see Joseph and his mom set apart as the most important was an insult to all the brothers - most of all to Reuben.
Fortunately, the entire family passed through the life and death situation without violence. But unfortunately for Reuben, the damage was done. Rachel (Joseph's mother and Jacob's favorite wife) died after giving birth to the 12th son Benjamin; and Reuben who was still angry about his dad's choice of favorites, went into Rachel's servant's (his dad's concubine and mother of some of his half-brothers) tent and had sex with her. Like a warrior, Reuben felt like he was getting vengeance by acting on an impulse and lashing out in anger because he believed he was betrayed.
Vengeance seems to work in the movies, but in real life it turns the tables in unexpected ways. Rather than remaining the victim, Reuben had to live the rest of his life with regret, knowing that he hurt and insulted his father deeply. He would live with that regret, compounded with the fact that his father would not talk about it, or deal with it. He would live his entire life with regret, trying with every opportunity to get back some of his father's respect; only to lose over and over again... but then that's another story.
There is a great moral in all this. If you get angry, don't let impulse direct you...you may regret it the rest of your life.
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